Week 736: So, Should I Drive Like Your Brother?

Saturday, October 20, 2007

It's just not worth it anymore to get my '84 Escort fixed, you know? So will filling it with barbiturates and applesauce work, the way it did for Grandpa?

For those of us of the Loser mind-set, the sweetest sound to be heard on Earth is that of someone laughing heartily at your jokes. And on several recent occasions, some Losers and their loved ones, caretakers, etc., were sent into paroxysms of ecstasy upon turning on the radio and hearing professional hearty-laughers and auto experts Tom and Ray Magliozzi reading Style Invitational entries on their NPR show, "Car Talk," appropriately cackling and/or guffawing at each.

Let's make it even easier for Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers: Ask a car-related question that would make the Car Guys crack up. If you're not into cars, you can also post a question for advice columnist Ask Amy or etiquette columnist Miss Manners, though we cannot guarantee that Miss Manners will do the aforementioned cracking.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a container of Anti Monkey Butt Powder, donated by Loser Andrew Hoenig, who, as far has we can tell, has not used any of this package on his own red, swollen heinie. Or even that it is red and swollen -- he didn't send a picture or anything.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called that week) get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Oct. 29. Put "Week 736" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Nov. 17. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest and this week's Honorable Mentions name are by Tom Witte. The idea for this week's contest is from Russell Beland.

Report From Week 732

in which we asked for chains of 25 names, each name related in some way to the one before it, beginning and ending with George W. Bush. The Empress read 519 of these; we will favor you with fewer, and in most cases just the juiciest parts.

5.. . . Molly Pitcher, Nolan Ryan, the KKK, David Duke, Mike Krzyzewski, Carlos Boozer, A.A. Milne, Christopher Robin, Batman, Lestat de Lioncourt, Anne Rice, Condoleezza Rice, George W. Bush. (Chris Doyle, traveling in Tokyo)

4.. . . Alvin & the Chipmunks, Dave Saville, "The Barber of Seville," Beverly Sills, Beverly Hills, "The Beverly Hillbillies," Jethro Bodine, George W. Bush. (Robert Elwood, Bushwood, Md.)

3. George W. Bush, Bush's Baked Beans, Washington Gas, Gazprom, Putin, Stalin, Larry Craig, Idaho, Sen. David Vitter, Sen. Mary Landrieu, Moon Landrieu, MoonPie, "Brownie," "Turd Blossom," "Scooter," Libby's canned fruit, Mark Foley . . . (Larry Yungk, Arlington)

2. the winner of the half-dozen Sigmund Freud Head lollipops:

George W. Bush, Karl Rove, Valerie Plame, Scooter Libby, Pinocchio, Cyrano de Bergerac, Roxanne, Sting, Bea Arthur, Betty White, Barry White, Isaac Hayes, Chef, Rachael Ray, Martha Stewart, Ken Lay, Barbie, Skipper, Ginger, Geri Halliwell, Victoria Beckham, David Beckham, Zinedine Zidane, Butthead, George W. Bush. (Laurie Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)

And the Winner of the Inker

George W. Bush, Jenna Bush, the Jena 6, James VI, Stuart Little, Mr. Big, God, Chuck Norris, Chuck Taylors, Keds, K-Fed, Britney Spears, William the Conqueror, Norman Mailer, Neil Postman, Will Wright, SimCity, Phil Simms, Disney World, Orlando Bloom, Legolas, Jenna Elfman, the Dharma Initiative, "Lost," George W. Bush. (Danny Bravman, St. Louis)

The Second Strings

George W. Bush, Iraq, the Sunni Triangle, the Pythagorean Theorem, Grecian Formula, Ronald Reagan, Bonzo, Cheetah, Gary Condit . . . the Wizard of Id, Sigmund Freud . . . (Russell Beland, Springfield)

. . . Carrie Bradshaw, Manolo Blahnik, Norman Hsu , Hillary Clinton . . . (Randy Lee, Burke)

. . . Clark Kent, Dean Cain, Nod, Wink Martindale, Bob Barker, "Truth or Consequences," Martha Stewart, Martha's Vineyard, Dionysius, Jim Backus, Thurston J. Howell III . . . (Deanna Busick, Knoxville, Tenn.)

George W. Bush, George Washington Carver, Goober, Andy Griffith, Ron Howard, the Fonz, Ling-Ling, Chairman Mao, Fidel Castro, Washington Senators, Walter Johnson, Bob Feller, Bob Newhart, Christiaan Barnard . . . (Jim Ward, Manassas)

. . . Stonewall Jackson, John F. Kennedy Jr., Aristotle Onassis, Plato's "Republic," the Republican Party, "The Elephant Man," John Hurt, Lorena Bobbitt . . . (Russell Beland)

George W. Bush, Nicholas II, Rasputin, Art Monk, the Artful Dodger, Tony Snow, Snow White, Dopey, Rush Limbaugh, the Goodyear Blimp, the Hindenburg, "Great Balls of Fire," Bill Clinton . . . (Jack Dean, Clinton)

George W. Bush, George Lucas, "Attack of the Clones," Dolly, Dolly, Dolly, Dolly . . . (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

George W. Bush, Al Gore, Tipper, Tippecanoe, Liv Tyler, Aerosmith, "Walk This Way," Marty Feldman, "Beau Geste," Bo Derek, the Dominos, Gen. Westmoreland, the Louisiana Purchase, Napoleon Dynamite, Alfred Nobel . . . (Russell Beland)

George W. Bush, Twiggy, Tommy Tune, Thomas Paine, Clay Aiken, Harry Potter . . . (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)

. . . George Clooney, George Meany, Dick Cheney, George W. Bush. (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)

. . . Virgin Atlantic, Madonna, Jesus, Bethlehem Steel, the Steelers, the Pirates, Johnny Depp, "Edward Scissorhands," Chicago Cutlery, O'Hare Airport, Bugs Bunny, Doc, Snow White, Vail, Modern Bride, Princess Diana, Prince Charles, Royal Air Force, Texas Air National Guard, George W. Bush. (Chuck Koelbel, Houston)

. . . Ho Chi Minh, Minnie the Moocher, Cab Calloway, Shelley Hack, Robitussin . . . (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

. . . Baron von Trapp, Christopher Plummer, G. Gordon Liddy, Howard Hunt, Holly Hunter, Catfish Hunter, Edmund Muskie, Hubert Humphrey, Humphrey Bogart, Sam Spade, Andy Card, George W. Bush. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

. . . James Galway, Doug Flutie, Brian Piccolo, James Caan, Sonny Corleone, Fredo, Alberto Gonzales, George W. Bush. (Brendan Beary)

. . "Moby-Dick," Moby, "Play," Playtex, Crawford Ranch, George W. Bush . (Russ Taylor, Vienna)

. . . Michael Moore, Dinty Moore, Stewie Griffin, Homer Simpson, Barry Bonds, Asterix, Tintin, Tin Man, "A Horse With No Name," My Little Pony, "My Pet Goat," George W. Bush. (Randall Kunkel, Spotsylvania, Va.)

. . . Neverland Ranch, Macaulay Culkin, No Child Left Behind Act, George W. Bush. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

. . . Rudy Giuliani, Manhattan, Mariel Hemingway, "To Have and Have Not," Donald Rumsfeld, George W. Bush. (Kevin Dopart)

. . . Gordon Ramsay, "Hell's Kitchen," Adolph's Tenderizer, Eva Braun . . . (Chris Doyle)

. . . the Beatles, the Byrds, Alfred Hitchcock, "Dial M for Murder," Bette Midler, Pete Rose, the Reds, Joseph McCarthy, Charlie McCarthy, Edgar Bergen, Candice Bergen, Dan Quayle, George H.W. Bush, George W. Bush. (Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.)

. . . Mr. Peepers, Wally Cox, Wally Schirra, John Glenn, John Fogerty, "Fortunate Son," George W. Bush. (Randy Lee)

. . . Frank Stella, Stanley Kowalski, Marlon Brando, Land O'Lakes Butter, Linda Richman . . . Bill Cosby, "I Spy," George W. Bush. (Sue Lin Chong, Baltimore)

. . . Operation Iraqi Freedom, Arlington National Cemetery, taps, Larry Craig . . . (Kevin Dopart)

. . . Captain Ahab, Starbuck, Chock Full o' Nuts, Kim Jong Il, Seoul, James Brown . . . (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church)

. . . Joan Lunden, Dennis Frantz, BVDs . . . (Sandra Hull)

. . . "Cheers," Ted Danson, "Three Men and a Baby," Anna Nicole Smith . . . (Kevin Dopart)

. . . Grace Slick, Exxon Valdez, EPA, FEMA, Hurricane Katrina, the Big Easy, Monica Lewinsky . . . (Russell Beland)

. . . Eddie Murphy, Gumby, Joe Theismann . . . (Randy Lee)

Next Week: Just Drop It, Okay? or And the Next Shall Be First